Cosmopolitan writes some of the most whacked out funny sexy tips! (someone is going to get hurt or go to jail)

You have to love Cosmopolitan magazine and give them due credit. It must be hard to come up with sex content considering 80 percent of the magazine is about wild sex and sexy times. Anyone who has ever read at 3 months of Cosmopolitan in a row will know that the articles are pretty much the same crap just hashed month after month after month after month (you get my gist).

Who ever writes the sex tips has one hell of a imagination. I do have a question for the editors:  Who the hell are theses crazy tips for? Porn stars? People on ecstasy? Virgins who don’t know any better?

Here are a few of my favorites….

The hot water sex tip

It goes something like this: Take a mouth load of the hottest water you can stand then perform oral sex. The trick is not to choke or burn your mouth or his member. Sexy right? Is it just me but that’s one hilarious  sex tip. I’m sure that’s there’s a beginning of joke or horror story somewhere in that imagery?

Sex in a pool or hot tub tip

Yes I know it’s entirely possible to have sex in water. However, I’m not a fan of this particular tip. The thought of how many other people have done the nasty in the pool just grosses me out. Maybe It’s just me, but other peoples body fluids floating in my hot tub gives me the willies. it’s just rude to other to release unknowing swimmers (no pun intended).

If your determined to have this experience unsexy experience,  I can tell you that chlorinated water is very drying down in the vaginal area. This can make the sexy part a little harder, so bring lots of lube, preferably silicone based that’s condom compatible.

Sex in public places

Really, it’s not like I have enough stupid shit to put up with working in a adult shop. Now I’m faced with naked people trying to go at it in my dressing room. SCREW you Cosmopolitan. Don’t you know how many poor retail girls like me have been scarred for life by your shitty suggestion of sex in public places. I do call cops and yes it just screams SEXY!!


Send him sexy pics on his cell

Yeah NSFW pics be sexy. Unfortunately it’s not so sexy when you’re a teenager (teenage girls love cosmo). Mom or dad decide to snoop and find dirty pictures of your hot guy or girl. It can get really bad if your 16 and he’s 18. Stupid cops can get involved and sexy can turn to scary.I think I recall that same shit happens over and over again.

And to the last and latest sex tip from our crazy friends at cosmo

Using your thong as a hair tie (please make sure they are clean)? Am I the only person in the world who finds this funny?  It would never occur to me to wrap my undies in my hair. Well maybe if I was on ecstasy?

So if you read Cosmopolitan and don’t take their advice with any grain of salt, BEWARE.

Jane Vance

Cosmopolitan’s Sex tips are sending idiots to jail by Va Va Voom: Jane Vance is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at va-va-voom.net.