If you are living in Utah, you’ve probably heard about the hysterical mob-like reation to Blue Boutique.

Let me recap if you haven’ t heard all the news. This year, Craig Mecham of Craig Mecham Contracts decided that he was going to develop the 2100 S 1100 E block in Sugarhouse, Salt Lake City. He systematically did the classic developer thing and started forcing out each of the merchants that set up shop in Salt Lake City’s most funky neighborhood. Basically he decided to blight a thriving funky neighborhood.

After dealing with the incompetent IRS, I have some suggestions for the Bureaucrats on how to run their racket. The suggestions come from my experiences in starting a new business, making sure that I have filled out ALL the red tape required by Federal, State, County and City Bureaucrats.

I have been going to the arduous process of setting up a legal entity through the State of Utah’s governmental Bureaucracy and the Federal Government Bureaucracy. This process is harder than it actually has to be. When setting up our EIN (Employer Identification Number) I received an interesting letter from a IRS Bureaucrat. It can be seen as follows.

Congratulations to Lesa Clow who won our Overnight Stay and two Randy Travis tickets Give-a-way in West Wendover, NV.

Many of you who have been reading my saga with the City of West Wendover, NV know that I hold no love for Bureaucrat of any sort. They are self-serving morons of the fascist government.

On February 6th, 2007 I happened to be at a city council meeting when the enlightened tribe of self-serving Bureaucrats decided to once again change the SOB laws of the City of West Wendover, NV. Remember this is Nevada, not Salt Lake City, Utah. Nevada, where anything goes…I mean anything.

When I inquired as to why they were changing the laws, they lied, and told us that basically they were consolidating a bunch of “bad laws” into one really “bad law”. The truth is, that the Bureaucratic Mayor wanted to impose a “Titty Tax” on the one and only Strip Club in town.

We’ve been hesitant to advertise on the radio on local stations due to the extreme costs and their refusal to provide a guaranteed ROI on their ability to reach a market. I’ve come from the online world where you can immediately see an ROI on advertising.

At Va Va Voom, we’ve had our retail store for about 6 ½ years. For 5 of those years, I’ve been tracking product sales on our Point-of-Sale system. This year, 4 weeks before Christmas, I am proudly releasing the list of our top 25 products that we have sold in our retail store. This should help the shy and inhibited shopper, who is looking for something for their partner that’s a little naughty and a little nice.

Let me premise the list with this, Most of our clients are couples who come out from Salt Lake City, Utah and gamble for the weekend. That being said, you won’t find any double-headed dildos or but plugs on the menu.

Looking at the list you’ll see that the biggest sellers are Lubes, Vibrating Cock-Rings for two, bullets, small discreet massagers (vibrators) and out of the blue, a Candy G-String.

Our list is organized from the least popular to most popular toy of the year.

This letter should be published in the High Desert Advocate this week:

Dear High Desert Advocate Readers:

Today, I just got back from a meeting with the city council. They were addressing the fact that now they want to quell freedom of commercial speech by dictating the color of buildings in the town of West Wendover, NV. What a HUGE waste of City time.

It’s always interesting how the City of West Wendover, NV likes to make laws that negatively affect only 1 or two small businesses at a time and summarily pass code that positively effects large conglomerates. They like to address problems that are not really problems in this town to make themselves feel better about their small positions of power. They target City Code to try and remove business that the members of the City Council and City manager want to run out of town (Va Va Voom –formerly Blue Boutique Online and Southern Exposure).

I personally have a libertarian political view. I’m tired of all the Bureaucrats making law after law. Being an Accessory Sexually Oriented Business (Note: We are defined as an SOB ONLY in Wendover, NV and not Salt Lake City, UT), I’m used to following law after law that the spineless bureaucrat and politicians have thrown at us for years. In fact, in the last 6 years they have changed the SOB code in the city 3 separate times to target our business and Southern Exposure.

The other day, I was asked to write down a list of what it takes to become a stripper for a author friend of mine.  I’m not a stripper, nor do I play one on TV. However, I do sell a ton of stripper clothing and supplies and have talked with thousands over the years. Over the years I’ve talked with strippers and have a pretty good idea of what you should do and shouldn’t do when choosing the glamorous career as a bar room nudie dancer.

I’ve divided this post into a few sections, Tools of the Trade, Aesthetics, Attitude, Making Money & Keeping Money.

As Larry Flynt said in the Movie, Larry Flynt vs. The People to his
attorney, “I make the perfect client, I have lots of money and I’m
always in trouble.” These were the exact words that I told my lawyer on
the 28th of August, 2006.

The latest Porndexter saga started out when my wife and myself decided to give our Lingerie and Adult store building an updated look. We were tired of the 20 year old gray/blue stucco finish on our store. You have to understand the building was constructed in 1985 out of a double wide trailer for the post office at the time. I understand that we’re in a desert town in Northern Nevada, but we wanted the pastel look of San Francisco business and houses.

We decided to paint the building and we took off to the local Home Depot to pick out our new color of the building. My wife decided that she wanted a pastel color of the building. So, we picked out a Honeydew color from Berh, as seen below.

Yesterday I was running through my usually sites that I visit (digg.com, reddit.com, Slashdot.com) when I came upon an article on about these “Pro Family” groups who oppose the purchase of the Atlanta Braves by Liberty Media. Liberty Media owns On Command, which sells movies in hotel rooms. These ignorant “Pro Family” groups infuriate me to no end.

Stephen
Adams, Ass. Editor of Focus on the Family's Citizen magazine alluded to
the fact that they didn’t want “Larry Flynt” types owning baseball.
Even though they are currently owned by Time-Warner, who also sells
pornography. He goes on to say that it destroys families. While I think
that this akin to saying that guns kill people… No, Guns don’t kill,
people kill people. People whose lives were “Destroyed” by pornography
have many more problems than just pornography itself.

I really
think that these people who have major problems with the “Pornography
Industry” should really avoid anything and everything that has to do
with pornography, so let’s take a realistic look at what they need to
avoid:

Most cable/satellite carry or distribute some sort of
soft-core pornography. If you have Cinimax (Skinimax) you’re getting
pornography edited for TV. Companies like Direct TV, Time Warner cable
carry the Playboy channel and 10. General Electric owns stock in
various cable and broadcasting stations. So, this means that you can’t
use anything that GE has touched. This means that these people can’t
fly (GE Aircraft Engines), they have to turn off their power (They own
power plants and Nuclear plants) etc. Many of the top 10 media companies
also own Newspapers, Radio Stations, Theme Parks, Internet Companies,
etc. SO people who are concerned about the Pornography industry should
shut themselves completely off from ALL media in the world.

Many
grocery stores a around nation sell Playboy, Hustler and the likes of
those magazines. This means that these right wing types need to stop
eating (Have you been to the mid-west, this might not be a bad idea).
Since your banning anything that is associated with pornography, Many
Fuel stations also sell pornography in their stores. This means, that
you should just get rid of your car if it runs on Gasoline.

Now
I’m giving some simple examples of just how wide pornography’s
distribution is in the United States. I’m tired ignorant
Bible-Thumping-Inbred-Moron’s pushing “Family Values” into everyone
face.

I come from a family that sells pornography and adult
items (My father and mother-law own Blue Boutique in Salt Lake City,
UT). My wife of 11 years and I own Va Va Voom, in West Wendover, NV. I
have a family and I have “Family Vales”.

Wikipedia took the definition of Family Values
as “family values as loving, taking care of and supporting each other,
knowing right from wrong and having good values”. Now, I sell
pornography, adult toys and novelties and I'm pretty damm sure that I
still have family values. If only these Bible-Thumping-Inbred-Moron’s
would realize, that 99.9% of the people around the world, actually have
“Family Values.”

What is Va Va Voom?

On Friday June 7, 2006, my wife and myself
purchased our partner’s remaining interest in our store in West
Wendover, NV. Subsequently, we are changing the name from Blue Boutique
Online, LLC to Va Va Voom, LLC.

As our valued customer, this
means that our customer service will remain high. We will still strive
to bring you the best prices for lingerie when you visit our retail
location or www.shopvavavoom.com.

What you can expect in the
near Future. Va Va Voom will be offering a number of services that you,
our valued customer can use. We will be launching a new website
www.shopvavavoom.com, Launching a 100% Free Personals website, We will
be launching Adult Home parties, a speed dating service, and finally we
will be your personal Bachelor or Bachelorette Party Planners.

Write a Review!
On
our new website, we encourage you to write reviews. If you write a
review, you will receive a $5 Gift Certificate for each toy review that
you write. This Gift Certificate good online or at our Wendover
location.

If you have any questions, concerns or just want to blab, please feel free to email me at jason _at _va-va-voom_dot_net.

I’ve finally recovered from last week where I’ve been down to a number
of different tradeshows. I’m always dog-tired when I return from Las
Vegas after attending tradeshows. It’s usually work, play, sleep very
little, work play, sleep very little, etc. If you know what I really
mean.

I can finally say with out reservation, I fucking hate Las
Vegas any more. The giant casinos on the strip have ruined the
experience. Everything at the Strip Casinos is designed to rip you off.
Although, I did find out that the only thing that is cheap in Vegas is
the plethora of whores that abound every bar in all the casinos.

Let’s
face it. If you buy you and your four buddies a round of drinks for
about the same price you could have bought that 22-year-old whore
sitting down next to your group for an hour or so. From what I hear,
the whoring business is quite organized in the town. Bartenders act
like pimps for the whores taking a piece of the action. They’re usually
find the johns and hook them up with the whore.

It’s surprising
on just how little it will cost you in the big casino’s? From what I
hear, $60 will get you a quick suck off and a Benjamin will get you
about anything you want just this side of kinky.

I know that
their slogan is what goes on in Vegas, stay’s in vegas, but it really
should be Everything is expensive in Vegas, except for the whores….

Earlier, I had mentioned that we had to have some funky zoning because
of the criminal minded fascist right winged self serving politicians in
the town. When we first moved in to the store, they had actual laws on
the books that stated “You can't have more than 10% of your inventory
in “ADULT ORIENTED” Products. Whatever the fuck “Adult Oriented” meant,
That was vague as any law I've ever seen. We also couldn't have more
than 10% of our store space dedicated to “ADULT ORIENTED” products.
Hence the 10/10 Dumb ass politician law came into effect

Since
we're considered an Accessory Sexually Oriented Business (ASOB) we can
have people under 18 in the main area of the store. This leads to some
weird human behavior.

Today, I had another idiot come in to the
store. Typically the dumb-ass of the day is a man. However, today a
female about 22 came into the store to get some oil's and lubes to
spice up her love life. Things were fine and dandy until she started to
walk into our adult room to take a look at the pornography and adult
novelties.

Now every state in the United states has SOME law
against ANYONE being under 18. I shouldn't bitch. I mean most customers
don't know how hard the fascist right-winged conservatives would fight
to put someone like me in jail for a long time, just because I sell sex.

I'm
always amazed at the fascist right-winged conservatives. I've read the
bible. It's full of sex, incest. It's almost titlating.

Anyway,
I really didn't have a problem with th girl with the baby in the store.
I did have a problem with her asking me to watch her child while I was
helping a customer. I usually wouldn't mind, but the baby was sleeping,
she didn't have a baby carrier and I was helping another customer buy some pornography!

I almost want to ad a new rule to my previous 10 rules. Let's make number 11: Don't Bring your baby to the Pornography store!!!!!